Upon cleaning up some old files on my computer I found an old journal entry that I wrote when my eldest son was 4 that I’d like to post here:
He walks away from me, head held high and shoulders back, the very definition of confidence as he eagerly approaches another new experience on his path towards adulthood. It seems like only a moment ago he was a baby, but he’s not anymore. Instead he grows each day in strength, character, and independence.
Occasionally people smile at me knowingly as they ask if he’s my first. I always smile as I reply, “he’s my only.” Often I get told that I’ll be more “free” or “easy-going” or even “less concerned” with him once I have another. Usually I just smile, for what do these well-meaning people know?
They assume that I would welcome that thought, that I would accept the idea of being less devoted, less in awe of the shear miracle of watching him grow, if only I had another child. When if fact I simply believe I would feel the exact same way about another child as well as still feeling that way about him.
I’m humbled by the wonder of motherhood, and I grasp what a significant and holy state I have been blessed with. As I watch him through the glass I smile to myself, and I know that I will not listen to what others say. He walked away without a backwards glance because HE was ready and because he knew that I’d be sitting here waiting for him, he knows I will always be waiting for him should he need me, but letting him walk away as HE’S ready, NOT when someone else deems him the “appropriate” age, and all the while I’ll cherish every moment with him.
It’s interesting to me because my theory was correct, I now have 2 more children, another boy and a girl and if anything I am in even more awe that I was blessed not once, but 3 times now with the gift of motherhood. I am just as protective of my eldest as I was before his siblings, and I have not in fact become a single iota more “free” or “easy-going” about my children now that there are 3 of them. If anything I am simply the same mother x3 I am just as fiercely protective, just as devoted, and most importantly just as humbled by the gift I have been given (x3) 😉