Behind starburst eyes

Dust bunnies versus sticky fingers

on June 14, 2013

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.” by Jonathan Safran Foer

The above quote was found unexpectedly while I was looking at a sweet story about a dad that was going the extra mile to ensure his son had a wonderful Halloween. There right beside the heartwarming story was that quote, separate from the story.

I read it, and I felt like I had been punched in my solar plexus, it resonated SO deeply within me. I am often bothered by all that I haven’t accomplished, by all that I have not yet done. I try every day, but there’s never enough time, and there’s always something that needs doing that I hadn’t expected. I’m in my 30’s and I feel like all of those 3 decades have passed in a blur. Each year fluttering past in wisps of color and opportunity too fleeting to catch or hold on to. I try to make every day count, but I find that the mundane things often get in the way, like cleaning. It does not seem to matter what I try it always takes me ages to get the house cleaned every single day. No matter how spotless it is one day the next it’s a mess again and again I’m forced to choose between cleaning or adventure. I know I have to be the responsible adult and clean, but I want to just experience each short moment I have with my kids, I want to play with abandon with them, and laugh with joy at their discoveries, I want to go on “treasure hunts” and nature walks, and trips to the library and read under a tree from books about anything and everything to them. I want to be able to be present in the moment with them and not always “in a minute” “after I’m done the dishes we’ll ______” etc. A great deal of the time I do say “piss on it” to the housework and the time that gives me to just experience little hands fluttering across my triceps as I walk for 2 hours with N in the hiker as I walk to get him a donut and back home is priceless. Just sitting here, I can still feel the warm sun on my face, his icing covered fingers lightly touching my triceps as he yells his excitement at an orange jeep that drives past us. I treasure those moments more than I can say, they ARE what make me “me” each of those memories.

So among other things that I have to do cleaning is for sure one of the most time-consuming, so any tips dear readers? Please keep in mind I have a house with 3 adults (my mother is NOT able to help due to her health, and I’m just happy to have her company) 3-5 children, 2 of which are on the spectrum, of those two one that needs constant attention and assistance, and the other one is homeschooled by me and therefore needs time every day for that. As well as one that is not yet walking, but does love crawling everywhere she can.

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2 responses to “Dust bunnies versus sticky fingers

  1. Wow…wish I had it as together as you seem to at 30. My tip…dust bunnies are cute compared to the tumbleweeds that I have. 🙂

    • LOL! Like my mother always says to me when I compare my life with others “the grass is only greener cause you can’t see the manure that made it that way from over here!” 😉 We all have our pros and our cons, and I’m told that my house is almost always messy by close family members because I often choose sticky fingers over dust bunnies. I know I can’t accomplish both, and the dust, and dishes will still be there once the moments of my children’s childhoods are nothing but memories. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a clean house, and I do keep it at a reasonable level, but it’s certainly not at the level I dream of it being, but in the end I want my children to remember the days of learning, adventure, and love, not of mom always being too busy cleaning to have time for them. 🙂

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