I recently watched this video and it totally struck me as my eldest has lost his last baby tooth just last week. It’s funny and sweet and a little bit sad all at once, and everything every parent out there feels as our wee ones become not so wee anymore.
#HAWMC Day 7: Why I write about Autism. Tell us why you write. How long have you been writing? What impact has it made on your life? Write for 15-20 minutes without stopping.
I write because if more people understand Autism than there will be less times that parents are ostracised and called out for their supposed flaws as parents. (Such as this)
I want to help show the parents of children that have just been diagnosed the beauty and wonder of parenting that still awaits them! I really am “Happy in Holland” and I don’t wish for different children. Instead I get my butt researching and thinking and planning on how to best help them to have a life they define as happy. I’m going to repeat that, because I think that right there is a huge issue. I want them to have a life they define as happy. Nowhere do I say I want them to create the life I deem as happy, because it’s not about me, it’s about them. Just as my life isn’t about what my parents deem as a happy life, it’s about what my spirit says is personally fulfilling, and my children deserve the same right to choose their own happiness, as does every other person on this planet!
I write to help other parents see that they don’t need to feel helpless in their childrearing of Autistic kids; they can research and plan and create methods and ways to enrich their children’s lives and help them to access their fullest potential all without demeaning, or shaming them or their natural neuro-pathways. Such as ensuring their cortisol levels are decreased through regular physical activities so they have less overloading and meltdowns. Or making behavioural therapy plans while their waiting for ABA, or creating a sensory room, or finding ways such as massage or the creation of “nests” to make going to sleep easier for them.
I write about my sons’ health, about their “condition” because I want the world to understand the path they walk in this life. I want to share the beauty and wonder they bring to me, and to so many people around them. I want for others to see that yeah they’re different, but it’s beautiful and special and amazing and so incredible. I write about Autism because too many negative stereotypes exist and I can’t change them without shining a light on what Autism really is. What Autism really means and why neurodiversity desperately needs to be accepted by our society.
#HAWMC Day 6: Sunday Dinner. Who are 5 people you’d love to have dinner with (living or deceased) and why? Don’t worry we won’t be offended if you don’t choose those at WEGO Health
This post is late, mostly because it was actually a really hard one to write for me. If it’d been 5 people that were still living it’d be easy, but adding in that I could invite those no longer with me, well that puts a whole ‘nother emotional spin on it. I’ve lost many people I love over the years, 6 have been my own children, so to choose just 5 people is difficult.
I would invite my maternal Grandmother to learn more about my family, and because I miss her laugh. So I could tell her how much her colouring on the wall with me meant to me as a child, how the way she respected my emotions had such a lasting effect on me that I always strive to respect and actively show that I respect the emotions of my children even if I don’t agree with them. It is because of her that I say “I respect that you’re angry, and you have a right to your emotions, however you do have to express them in a positive way such as talking about them.”
I would invite my maternal Grandfather to learn more about my ancestors, and to thank him for the example he gave to me of what a strong person truly was. For the lessons he’s passed down through my mother to me and to my children through me of what honour, loyalty and devotion really mean. Not just meaningless words written in attractive fonts on candle holders or wall plaques for décor but something so real and true they are almost physical things that shape all my actions and words.
I would invite my Father to be able to say all the things I never got the chance to say, and to (hopefully) hear all the things I never got to hear.
I would invite my niece, so I could see her smile one more time. I think of her and miss her every single day. I ache for all of us that are left to deal with a life without Joy. I would invite her so I could ask her if she’s happy where she is now, and to tell her again just how precious she is and always will be to our entire family.
I would invite Ben, so I could tell him how sorry I was that my body refused to listen to my heart, and so I could see him just once in this life as I told him how much I love him. I would tell him how in the quiet moments of the dark nights I think of him, I imagine what he would have looked like, and I wonder if there was any way I could have fought harder for the doctors to listen to me. I wonder if he understands that I couldn’t hold him after he was born because I didn’t want to believe the moment was real, because I didn’t want him to be gone. I didn’t want to have the knowledge that until I gave birth to him he was alive, but not afterwards.
So there’s my dinner invitations, the 5 people I wish I could sit down and dine with, all of whom can’t ever dine with me again in this life.
#HAWMC Day 5: “Superpower Day. It’s a bird, it’s a plane it’s….you! If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it?”
I’ve been thinking of this one all day, picking a superpower and discarding it as I think of all the problems it would cause instead of help. It’s gone like this:
“I know! I’d be telepathic!” But then I’d think of how difficult it is at times to have people say outright what they think is poor parenting when one of my boys is having a meltdown, never mind hearing them just think it. And so I decide, no that won’t do.
“I know! I’d be able to alter someone’s molecular structure with a simple touch!” But then I think of how I wouldn’t change my boys because I see the gift they are to me and to the world itself. And so I decide, no that won’t do.
“I know! I’d be able to teleport!” But with my sense of direction I’d just teleport to the wrong places all the time. And so I decide, no that won’t do.
“I know! I’d control the weather!” But then I think of all the times I’ve been in awe of a rainbow suddenly appearing, or laughed at walking through a random rain storm with the kids, but if I could control it, I’d miss the randomness that made those moments what they were. And so I decide, no that won’t do.
“I know! I’d have a siren’s voice!” Then I could sing songs that soothed instantly when either boy was having a meltdown. But then I think of how I won’t always be right beside them as they travel along their paths and giving them the tools to calm themselves are more important for them than just taking the upset away from them for them. And so I decide, no that won’t do.
Finally, I decide that if I could have any superpower it’d be be time travel. So I could go back to the me of a decade ago offer these words upon paper to be read all the times when it seemed that the world was against me and against my parenting, and against my beautiful boys.
Dear New Momma Me: There will be times when you want to cave and listen to what others say is the right way to parent, not because you agree, but because you are not battle hardened yet, and all you want is a life of love and acceptance for yourself and your child/ren. But you mustn’t! It will be hard to go against the grain and parent based on intuition, based upon the bond you have with your child, but it’s what’s right; for them and you. The times you will bitterly regret are the times you didn’t fight, the times you chose to cave to other’s opinions of what is best for your child. They are a part of you before they are a part of the rest of the world, and the bond they share with you is like no other bond that can ever be made or felt between two souls. Listen to your heart, for it beat for the both of you at one time, to tell you what is right and best for your child.
#HAWMC Day 4: “Theme song. Imagine your health focus or blog is getting its own theme song. Think “Eye of the Tiger” for Rocky Balboa. What would the lyrics be? What type of music would it be played to?”
So I totally read this wrong the first time around, it’s a darn good thing I re-read everything for that exact reason! I originally thought it as pick an already existing song, which would be “Let Me Be Myself” By Three Doors Down. (Lyrics can be found here)
But since the prompt is actually asking for my own health focus’ theme song, I would say that the lyrics would be about:
The haunting sounds of a mandolin would weave the tale of finding the strength to travel through an unknown place, for I see the struggling steps my boys take each day in a world that sees their way of thinking as foreign.
Bitter-sweet notes played upon a violin about the struggle of trying to balance who they are with who society insists they be for acceptance.
It would speak of the moments when their spirits were worn see-through thin from the hyper-vigilance they must enlist in all social settings to ensure their actions and words say what they want others to hear.
It’s chorus would be filled with cello’s sawing out sweet notes of love and unconditional acceptance, for nothing has ever or ever will be more perfect to me than my children exactly as they are, no pretences or false gestures of conformity will ever be required by me.
Dramatic pauses highlighted by an increased tempo upon resuming the words for all the times they pause to translate the pictures in their heads into words others will understand.
The same mandolin would have it’s haunting notes transformed through tempo to show the brilliance and capabilities they innately posses if they’re just allowed to be who they are.
And at the end of it, all of the instruments would harmonize together to make the sweetest, uplifting, get up and dance because you just can’t resist the sound kind of moment because that is what they do to my heart each and every day.
Contributing Author at Parents Space
Behind starburst eyes 